Reconstructed “Initiation” Responses

Jane at her art opening:
Why is John never at my shows? He knows how much it means to me. All I want is to be a successful artist and share love with another creative human being. How does he expect us to satisfy each other without supporting one another’s dreams? I’m not asking for much, just to make art and make love.
Maybe I’m still in love with my ex. Sometimes I fantasize about running away with him on a hot air balloon and just travelling the world. He knew how to indulge in The Three Graces. Greek mythology had it right – charm, beauty and creativity… But then again I’ve always lived by loyalty and forgiveness. I should just let bygones be bygones and forgive John.
Though a part of me won’t allow myself to give him anymore breaks, he just doesn’t try with us or with anything for that matter. And yet life is infinite with endless opportunities waiting to be lived.
John, I seem at home with you — when I don’t wear makeup, while I’m dancing naked in front of the mirror; but when I’m looking at art I feel most like myself.
John, home at night sitting on the toilet:
Fucking contemptuous galleries, such a vain display of intellectual splendor; and Jane wonders why I never attend her shows.
When I make, create, build, I feel no pressure to impose my creations upon others. I can deal just fine being a seclusive artist; for me it’s the aura of feeling mysterious to others, a sort of Van Gogh whose talent won’t be discovered until death.
Why am I so drawn to her? I can’t quite pinpoint one specific thing. My fondness for her has become a wanting…a desire. I feel no special bond to her though it’s the carnal things which keep me near. I love to watch her play with herself when I masturbate… Damn.
Honestly though, I feel most like myself when I’m doing nothing, when I’m not trying, when I’m with my friends Mike T and Mike V, nothing but deadbeats would-be this and would-be that destroying reality with a paintbrush and “40 ounces to freedom”. I realize I am only destroying myself, but hey, isn’t that what youth is for?



Monologues are composed from participators’ responses of the Q&A from Interactionism: “Initiation”

By Chad Grant and Tima Peck

May 2011.